


Defective

by Augustus



Category: Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-06
Updated: 2003-08-06
Packaged: 2018-03-12 01:18:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3338675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Augustus/pseuds/Augustus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like attracts like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Defective

**Author's Note:**

> Because I really want to write dark, apathetic Nick/JC slash but can’t.

**They** all love him.

 **Lance** has loved him since the beginning, innocent hero worship becoming growing desire. Justin is younger, but he’s always in control. Once, in Germany, he let Lance kiss him beneath a wilting sprig of mistletoe. When he allows himself to remember, Justin can still feel the pleading weight of Lance’s lips. Lance’s devotion is cloying and claustrophobic. Justin laughs until it becomes insignificant, then covers the void with harsh words that are barely softened by his smile. Lance is too noble for him. Justin refuses to tear his friend apart. 

**Joey** is in denial. He surrounds himself with attractive women but follows Justin with his eyes. He flirts brazenly and competently, but becomes quiet and intense when he and Justin are alone. Justin knows that Joey loves him, even though Joey prefers headlocks and bear hugs to kisses and whispered words of affection. Joey is warm and solid and an expert at romance. Justin has never been good at blushing, preferring to nod and stay silent. He rarely trusts himself to speak.

 **JC** loves freely and intermittently. He shows his feelings through gentle touches and soft smiles and talks of things much greater than he truly comprehends. JC immerses himself in absolutes, while Justin shies from black and white emotion. Sometimes, when he is feeling reckless, Justin lets JC kiss him. He tastes of energy and passion and his lips are frenetic fire. JC is fragile. Justin could break him if he tried. 

**Chris** loves him unconditionally. Justin might even love Chris back, although whenever he tries to think about it, his stomach twists and his throat burns with indecision. Chris is loyal and funny and knows where to rub Justin’s shoulders when his body is stiff and immovable with frustration. Chris is blind to Justin’s shadows. There are times when Justin aches to fold himself within Chris’ adoration, but he swallows his need and concentrates on the steady shaking of his hands. Chris is too good for Justin. They only kiss when Justin dreams.

 **They** all love him. They don’t see Justin’s flaws.

 **Nick** doesn’t love him, but he understands. He knows that sometimes Justin likes to be ignored and that there are days when he needs to stay silent and anonymous and hide beneath his scowls. Nick is imperfect. Justin likes to rest his cheek against the curve of Nick’s stomach and trace the harshly inked lines of his latest tattoo while Nick fights their mutual loneliness with strings of idle chatter. Justin rarely listens. Nick doesn’t seem to mind.

 **Nick** is loud and obnoxious and sulks if he doesn’t get his way. Justin prefers not to think of their similarities. Instead, he covers Nick in desperate kisses and arches shakily beneath his caress. Nick knows when to touch Justin and when to be quiet. His secrets are intangible but Justin is convinced that they are echoes of his own. He finds an insipid comfort in making do. Justin knows he doesn’t deserve anything beyond the apathy Nick shares.

 **Nick** never talks about his friends. Justin mirrors his silence. They watch television and play computer games and, when the streetlights go on, they draw the curtains and fuck. Sex with Nick is rough and uncertain. Justin feels as though every day passes without concluding. In the darkness, his skin hurts. Although their conversation is shallow and careful, he believes that Nick is unhappy too. 

**Nick** doesn’t love Justin, but he accepts his flaws. Nick is emotionally stronger than he seems. When Justin is bitter and cruel, Nick shrugs off his words with a self-effacing smile and holds him until the stream of vitriol wavers. Nick is rarely critical, but his gaze is often accusative. Nick blames Justin for his indifference. Justin feels accountable for the shadows beneath Nick’s eyes. 

**Justin** doesn’t love Nick. If he did, he’d walk away.

**6th August 2003**


End file.
